COUNSELING
PROFESSIONAL COUNSELING: Nancy Coniaris, clinical psychologist
says...
"When a very difficult, traumatic and chronically wearing even enters your
life- like your spouse develops cancer- it tends to strain you on the parts
of yourself that are not so stalwart to begin with. You can be worn down
and done in by things so that you end up not functioning as well as you might
if life had been more problem free.
People frequently won't give themselves credit for being worn down for perfectly
legitimate reasons. That kind of thing is difficult for a support group to
get a grip on and work with. If the briefer kinds of services don't seem
to be an enormous amount of help, people should be encouraged to see a more
specialized person, like a psychiatrist. They're cheating themselves if they
don't."
EFFECTIVE COUNSELING OF THE ELDERLY: Paraphrased from the
American Bar Association Commission on the Legal Problems of the Elderly-
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Hold discussions when the person is the most alert and comfortable. Some
Alzheimer's victims are more cognitive in the morning. Or schedule afternoons
if someone has morning bathroom difficulties.
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Make sure you explain the issues slowly and carefully. Any question about
health- and especially dying- can be extremely troubling for many. Don't
pressure, but still try to get as much communication established as possible.
You may need to reschedule for several visits.
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Don't obfuscate the issues (I think I just did with that word.) In other
words, present the facts clearly and DIRECTLY. Most people who are close
to the end of their lives have thought about death and a more direct approach
to something both of you know will happen soon may be the best way of approaching
the issue. If they refuse to talk about it, they'll be sure to let you know-
and quickly.
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Pay attention to what they say. Listen carefully since they may not be able
to speak clearly- and some may paint the comments with past life experiences.
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Don't hurry them. Be patient. Reduce as much background interference as you
can- noise from TV's, air conditioners and the like. Speak in a clear distinct-
and possibly loud- voice. If you have written material for their review,
type it double space or greater. Use large print and bold type if necessary.
Be prepared to leave it for several days if necessary so they can slowly
read and comprehend the material.